General > General info Somewhat hot tub related
Anyone have any good jokes?
LtDan:
FYI: The names have been changed to incriminate the innocent.
Drewski has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Texas as far from humanity as possible. Drewski sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bald Texas hot tub salesman standing there.
"Name's Term... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Drewski, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Term is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'and cigar smokin' ."
"Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink and smoke with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Term stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Damn", Drewski thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Term turns from the door. "I've seen some wild hottub sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Drewski, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?"
Term stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
JcDenton:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE! Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Snowbird:
--- Quote ---FYI: The names have been changed to incriminate the innocent.
Drewski has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Texas as far from humanity as possible. Drewski sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bald Texas hot tub salesman standing there.
"Name's Term... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Drewski, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Term is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'and cigar smokin' ."
"Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink and smoke with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Term stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Damn", Drewski thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Term turns from the door. "I've seen some wild hottub sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Drewski, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?"
Term stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
--- End quote ---
[size=18]Now that's funny. If'n you don't think that's funny you better git on outta here. When do I git my turn in that thar tub thangy with you Term? I'll wear this here shirt and my edible underbritches. [/size][/color]
spaman-:
--- Quote ---What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the hot tub?
Stu.
--- End quote ---
WHat ya call the same guy in a pile of leaves?
RUSSEL
same guy waterskiing?
SKIP
Same guy in a hole?
PhIL
same guy on ya door step ?
Matt
Same guy on the wall?
ART
Same guy in a pool?
BOB
Funny thing is his original name was Stan. ;)
Snowbird:
[size=16]I was in my back yard yesterday, trying to fly a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind caught it for a few seconds, then it came crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife is watching me from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opened the window and yelled to me, "You need a piece of tail."
I turned with a confused look on my face and said to her, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."[/size][/b]
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