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Anyone have any good jokes?

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Spatech_tuo:
A SWEET STORY ABOUT ITALIAN COOKIES.................

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.

Gathering his remaining  strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen, where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing  him back to life. The aged and withered hand  trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.................


"Get out of here," she shouted, "They're for the  funeral."

hotubinn:
A farmer walks in to the kitchen holding a duck under his arm.  The farmer says, "this is the pig that I have been having relations with."  His wife responds, "That's not a pig that's a duck!"  The farmer replies, "who said I was talking to you!"

Salty_Ag:
An old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a
ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U. S. Government officials sent to
interview him.

"Chief" asked one Official, "You have observed the white man
for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded
in agreement.

The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the Government Officials for over a minute and
then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running
it."

"No taxes."

"No debt."

"Plenty buffalo."

"Plenty beaver."

"Women did all the work."

"Medicine man free."

"Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing."

"All night having sex."

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to
think he could improve system like that."

Salty_Ag:
Okay here's another one...

A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the
pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown,
tie score."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and
says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says,
"Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
"Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a
woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is
totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he
sh%%s in the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."

The_Big_Spa_Fairy:
Oh my. That might not be very pleasant.

The Easter bunny told me a good one, but I can never remember the punch line.

I'll get back to you.

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