Hot Tub Forum
Original => Hot Tub Forum => Topic started by: Drewski on December 07, 2004, 11:07:34 am
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Occasionally, I learn lessons in life that I just need to share. Here's one of them... :-/
If you've read some of my posts or seen pictures of my back yard and tub, you probably know that on occasion I'm a believer in "less is more" when it comes to hot tub attire. Especially after midnight.
Last night was no exception. As I was talking on the phone to a friend, I decided to hit the tub. Since it was raining out, I needed to leave all my dry stuff just inside the door. I quickly went out, took off the cover, ran back inside and... well, you get the picture (OR maybe you don't want to!). ANYWAY, a few minutes later I was enjoying a VERY natural soak in freshly changed water during a cool rain. AHHHH...
Sometime later I hung up the phone, spent a few minutes finishing my wine and then quietly slipped out of the tub and padded over to the rear door. Trying the handle (it DIDN'T move) I realized that I had locked myself out of the house (PANIC!). Ten plus years of owning hot tubs and I had NEVER locked myself out before! I couldn't believe it! I actually put my hands up to the window and looked inside thinking someone was playing a joke on me (that would have been difficult, considering I live ALONE). A second later it also dawned on me that the only thing I had for cover was the portable phone in my hand, being that I had just cleaned up my patio the day before.
As I laughed to myself, shaking my head concerning my predicament (standing naked in the now COLD rain, locked out of the house), I knew I could get in. The only problem was that the spare key was hidden on the FRONT porch, not the back. Looking over the fence I conspired with myself thinking "it's after midnight, my neighbors are all asleep, who could see?"
Summing up all of my courage, I leaped through the patio gate, streaked around the side yard between my house and the neighbor's house (laughing so darn hard I almost fell) and made it to the side of the house next to the front porch. It was at this point I discovered that I had left all the porch lights and Christmas lights on in the front of the house, meaning it was brighter than a basketball court during an NBA game up there. Judas Priest, I thought could this get any worse?
Pausing momentarily (concealed in the shadows) to once again gain courage I remembered where I hid that darn key. Yep, right under that big 75 LB flower pot on the FAR side of the porch. Preparing myself, I quickly dashed across the porch to the flower pot. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I would need to bend over and lift this thing with both arms, meaning my backside would be (well, you probably DON'T want to get the picture this time).
RECOVERING the key, I ran to the front door, madly trying to get it open as quickly as possible, feeling VERY exposed in the bright light. Ten seconds later (the darn spare key was finicky), I was through the door. Safely under cover again, I peaked out the window looking for the laughing neighbors. All was just as quiet as when I started my naked nocturnal dash so, smugly congratulating myself, I walked to the back door to get my stuff and head up to bed.
THIS morning, leaving for work as usual, I collected my paper, got in the car and headed down the street. My neighbor's wife was also heading out and she slowed her car, rolling down the window. We chatted pleasantly like we usually do but THEN, just as she was rolling up the window preparing to drive off, she gave me a little wink and said, "oh, by the way Drew, you might want to put that spare key in the BACK yard..." :o
What did McCoy used to say to Kirk on Start Trek? DAM*IT JIM! I needed to sit still in my car for a few minutes to get a hold of myself before I could drive. What a way to start the day... So reader, you ask the moral of this little story?
ALWAYS KEEP A SPARE KEY IN THE BACK YARD NEAR YOUR TUB!
Ah well, lessons learned. Geez, I need a soak...
Drewski
:P
(AKA Buck Naked)
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Mental images aside, thanks for sharing.
We use a latch on the inside of our back door that can only be opened from the inside so we never lock the back door (never say never) until we are all in bed for the night.
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So that clip on Americas funniset home videos I saw was YOU.
Sorry couldn't resist. ;D
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So that clip on Americas funniset home videos I saw was YOU.
Sorry couldn't resist. ;D
The uncensored one they sell on DVD annually should be that funny. The funniest thing I ever saw happened just as I put my video camera way, or I'd be $100,000 richer and would purchased my tub earlier. (notice the clever way I kept this spa related)
Scene : 5th grade boys basketball game. Star: boy on end of bench who never gets in the game.
The bored bench sitter gets up and start playing on the "chin-up" bar. He is at this for 10 minutes and nobody pays much attention. He does a flip over the bar a couple of times, nothing happens. The 3rd time he does it his shorts get caught on the bar and he almost falls minus pants. Luckily he is hanging on, barely, by one hand. If he lets go, he falls without his pants. He is that way for what seems like forever, until the ref seems him, stops the game, and helps him down.
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Isn't always like that, when the camera is just put away or you forgot it, the best things happen. Drewski, since the neighbor "saw" you I'd be watching the show for awhile just to make sure if they did win you got some of the winnings.
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That my friend, was as good as my Werewolf story! (minus the police of course....)
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The only way that story could have been funnier is if when bending over to lift the pot ,he backed into a lite bulb. I am going to hide a key in the backyard as soon as I get home!! bobhol
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The only way that story could have been funnier is if when bending over to lift the pot ,he backed into a lite bulb. I am going to hide a key in the backyard as soon as I get home!! bobhol
Had it been me, it would have been the spotlight of the local police cruiser occupied by a guy at the end of his shift whose standard reply would be, "Yea, yea, lets straighten this out at the station"
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Late one night, my wife got home from a meeting, thoughtlessly and noiselessly walked in, locked all of the doors, including the patio door and went to bed, all the time wondering where on earth I was.
I was in the tub, now wondering how on earth I was going to get in the house.
Fortunatly for the neighbors, I had one of these:
(http://watkinsnet.net/Media/E-CommerceProductCatalog/HSS%20Robe%20eps.jpg)
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Late one night, my wife got home from a meeting, thoughtlessly and noiselessly walked in, locked all of the door, including the patio door and went to bed, all the time wondering when on earth I was.
I was in the tub, now wondering how on earth I was going to get in.
Fortunatly for the neighbors, I had one of these:
(http://watkinsnet.net/Media/E-CommerceProductCatalog/HSS%20Robe%20eps.jpg)
As a fellow over 40 years and over 40" two words
FULL LENGTH
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*SNIFF*
Oh my...my boss came to check on me I was laughing so hard!!!
Thanks Drew, I needed a good laugh! Sheesh, is it time to go home yet???
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Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a locksmith! ;D
And I promise not to make any jokes about Christmas balls........ :o
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ROTFL Oh my god I needed that story today! Thanks for the laugh Drewski.
This is one of those moments when I'm sitting at my computor at work and just burst out laughing. Thankfully I'm by myself.
Spahappy :D
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Great story! thanks for sharing. :D
This is where a Weber on the deck can come in handy.
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That is too funny :) What a geat story!! I locked myself out once already too but luckly it was the inside garage door and not the outside one lol. Thanks for the laugh
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Great story Drewski! Hopefully, it was't a terribly "cool" evening giving your spectators more to laugh at than just being butt naked! ;D
Steve
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hehe....thanks...that was a good one....
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That's a funny story... I'm glad we have a back door that can ONLY be locked from the inside or with a key. Although once, the cat escaped and I had to run around the backyard chasing her wearing nothing but my birthday suit. :o Luckily it was pretty dark!!
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:o Luckily it was pretty dark!!
The cat?
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Like everyone else, I started laughing through this story and the picture of a butt naked guy streaking through his yard is just priceless! At least it wasn't snowing! So glad you had a key and thank you for sharing.
Yep, got the weber with the cover, so we are "covered".
Jan
ps- my husband and kids enjoyed the story too. ;)
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Drewski,
Thanks for sharing the story and the laugh - I'll remember to have a key around when my tub comes!
All you dog (medium and large size dogs) owners out there be careful when you go out. I had my dog lock the sliding glass door on me by jumping up and hitting the lock lever. Anderson doors aren't made to be removed from the outside!
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Hey Buck,
One question,
Is the neighbor cute? :o :o :o
JL
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A second later it also dawned on me that the only thing I had for cover was the portable phone in my hand
(AKA Buck Naked)
Are you saying it was insufficient coverage?
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Are you saying it was insufficient coverage?
Can you hear me now?
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DEAR Friends:
THANKS so much for your KIND words of encouragement and understanding. Here are the answers to your questions:
NO, I wasn't on America's funniest home videos. BUT, if you taped it and you're willing to split the prize money, well, I'll THINK about it.
NO, I didn't "back" into any Christmas lights. It was bright enough out there, I didn't need any more lights shining up my a**!
YES, I did own a Weber, but I just bought a gas grill to replace it and it was locked up in the garage.
NO, it wasn't that cold out, but after 104 degree water for 30 minutes I could have been humming "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" while I was running (WHY do you think the neighbor's wife WINKED at me?).
YES, I'm glad the story is being shared. Spouses and children need a laugh TOO. NO, I don't have low self esteem (do you think I'd have told this if I did?).
NO, this wasn't JUST a STORY. As one of my friends said, "Drew, this stuff just seems to happen to you ALL the time." WHY yes, it DOES, thank you.
YES, the neighbor's wife IS cute (about 27, long brown hair, WELL tanned). I was actually thinking about inviting her and her hubby over for a social BUT now, I'm a little SHY.
YES, that portable phone was a little "light" on coverage. I'm a least a "7" bar guy... OH yeah, I can HEAR you now!
And finally, THANKS Windsurfdog, for "getting" the quote. You feel my PAIN brother...
Sympathy appreciated, jokes encouraged, comments about my physical attributes IGNORED... ;)
Still "getting" back to nature...
Buck Naked
:P