General > General info Somewhat hot tub related
Anyone have any good jokes?
LtDan:
You're on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a
sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the
same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo -
your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the
same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out
of this highly dangerous situation?
Get your drunk @$$ off the merry-go-round!
r100rs:
This really isn't a joke but just my weird sense of humor.
I was going to work the other night, and the moon was full. By the time I got to work the clouds had rolled in
My co-workers asked if I had seen the full moon?
Yes I had but I had told them I hadn't. Then with out skipping a beat I informed that I did take a shower earlier and if that counted. ;D ;D ;D
That was more than they wanted to know and probably you too.
r100rs
96SC:
Two guys from Alabama were standing under a flag pole that had a broken rope. 1st guys says,' we gotsta fix this rope so's we can raise the flag for the before the Hog hollerin' contest tonight. 2nd guy, 'yea, but how much rope we gotta have?' The two guys look at each other not knowing how to measure how tall the pole is so they can install enough rope.
About that time a young attractive blonde comes by and asks the guys what they're doing. 'Ya'll wouldn't anythin' about this but we's trying to figure out how tall this pole is so's we can put a new rope on it'. The blonde gets a wrench and removes the bolts that support the pole to the ground. She lays the pole down and measures it. ' 24 feet long' she says and goes on her way.
The two guys look at each other, ' Ain't that the dumbest blonde you've ever seen?' 'She tells us how long it is and we want to know how tall it is'.
***********
Guy gets into a taxi and the driver takes off. A few blocks down the street the passenger taps the driver on the shoulder. All of a sudden the driver swerves to the right, then to the left, goes onto the sidewalk, back into the street, darts in front of 3 semis and finally stops just a few feet from driving into a day care center.
The driver jumps out of the taxi and starts yelling at the passenger,' don't you ever tap me on the shoulder like that again, you scared the hell out of me'. The passenger apologized as best he could, the driver then says the mishap may be partially his fault. This was his first day as a taxi driver, for the past 25 years he'd been driving a hearse.
cappykat:
Two rather elderly ladies were sitting through a more than lengthy church sermon when one leaned over to the other and said "my butt is going to sleep". The other replied, "I know, I heard it snoring 3 times already" ::)
drewstar:
my friend just sent me this....it was titled "Gotta love the Irish"
I'm not a big fan of Bono's agrrogant pontifications, so I got a kick out of it:
Bono is at a U2 concert in Ireland when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone..."Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence..."Fookin stop doing it then!"
;D ;D ;D
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