General > General info Somewhat hot tub related
Anyone have any good jokes?
drewstar:
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So, is it appropriate this is posted under the joke thread?
;D
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Sure. Go ahead and pick on me.
You'll be telling the joke tonigt at the bar. ;) ;D ;D ;D
Wisoki:
Man did I have to clean this up.....
Some lovely young women having a day at the zoo decided to stop looking at the animals and have lunch.
While dining on their sack lunches across from the gorilla exhibit one of the youg lovelies removed a bannana from her bag.
She noticed one of the gorillas staring right at her bannana with intense desire, so she told her girlfriends she was going to give the big ape her bannana.
Just as she was stretching out to give the tasty fruit to the ape, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the Gorilla compund where he showed her his desire was not for the bannana, but for HER.
The gorilla took his desire out on her every way imaginable to man or beast as her friends watched frozen in horror.
FORTY minutes later, when the brutal animal was finished with his captive, he tossed her from the cage into a heap on the side walk, where the paramedics were waiting to take her to the hospital.
After a week the doctors felt she was well enough to receive visitors.
All her girlfriends were there to comfort and support her and when asked if she was OK she replied...
"OK, how can I possibly be OK, he doesn't write...he doesn't call!
Chas:
Bob.
Snowbird:
[size=16]I love blonde jokes
---
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
---
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
---
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
---
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, What's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
---
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
---
Bambi is a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
---
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman"
---
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little moron on your knee."
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JcDenton:
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:
"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog’s death. But, unfortunately, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there’s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they’ll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said, "I’ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick: "$500? Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"
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