General > General info Somewhat hot tub related

True stories to make ya smile  

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r100rs:
This could be hottub related - but you'd have to use your imagination ----

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Testimonials of a few people who did.

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow-job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word, he knew better.

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts! As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I am just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned and I  turned beet-red and walked away. This, my sister has never let me forget.

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I'll tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on at him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, did you have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread
his cheeks and yelled: "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing. He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?

r100rs

spahappy:
Those were all funny! ;D ;D ;D

This actually happened to me several years ago. I was selling spas at a sports show, by the third day I was getting tounge tried from talking so much. I just happened to be pitching a spa to a very good looking guy and several of his friends. I was discussing the difference between standard and economy mode and the benifits of both.

What I meant to say was..If you're the kind of guy that likes to get up in the morning and use your spa...yada yada.

What I said was...If you're the kinda guy that gets it up in the morning and wants to use his spa... :-[ :-[

Well as I remember they laughed all the way out of the booth, and I've never used that analogy again...

East_TX_Spa:
Funny, funny stuff! ;D

Some of the "foot in mouth" moments in our family:

1.  I had a green pair of boxer shorts that I wore around the house sometimes.  When my daughter was 4, she was more than happy to inform my mother-in-law that "Daddy wears big green panties."

2.  My daughter's great-grandmother taught Savanna to refer to her private's as her "twat". (Ugghh!)  One evening, Savanna wanted to wrestle with me.  I told her I didn't feel like it.  "Daddy, I promise I won't kick you in your twat this time."

3.  My sister in law should be blonde.  I was wearing a golf cap that said "Titleist" on it.  My SIL kept looking at it and finally said "Tit Liced, what is that?"  I told her "That's what you get when you don't keep your bra clean."

I'm sure I'll remember some others.

Terminator

Lablover2004:
embarassingly funny

East_TX_Spa:
While waiting tables at a Mexican food restaurant in Norman, OK, I was having a good time with a man, his wife and daughter, and their friends.  We had all been carrying on, bantering back and forth, and swapping stories.  I had them laughing pretty good with my down home humor.

The man said to me "Son, you must be from Texas!"

Me: "Yessir!  How'd you know that?"

Man: "'Cause you sure do have a twang on you."

I looked down slowly, looked up, and said "Well, I appreciate it but I thought my apron covered it up."

He dang near had a heart attack from laughing.  His wife looked pretty mortified, though.  His daughter just kind of smiled and looked at my apron again.  Got a $20 tip! :)

Terminator

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