General > General info Somewhat hot tub related
News you will never use
r100rs:
1. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into
the English language.
2. The first couple to be shown in bed together on
prime time TV were... Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
3. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
4. Men can read smaller print than women can;
women can hear better.
5. Coca-cola was originally green.
6. It is impossible to lick your eyebrows.
7. The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work...Alaska.
8. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven...$6,400.
9. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness - 28%,
for North America it is 38%.
10. The average number of people airborne over the U.S. any given hour....61,000
11. The first novel written on a typewriter...Tom Sawyer.
12. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents
a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
13. 111,111,111 squared = 1,234,567,898,7654,321.
14. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000
years ago that for a month after the wedding,
the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all
the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar
was lunar based, this period was called the honey month ... which we know today as the honeymoon.
15. Q. Which day are there more collect calls than
any other day of the year? A. Father's Day
16. Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes,
windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women.
17. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would
you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
18. Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace.
19. Q. Most boat owners name their boats.
What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession.
20. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air--the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air--
the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground--
the person died of natural causes.
21. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,
John Hancock and CharlesThomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
22. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on
bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
23. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly,
the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
24. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had
a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
and Finally.....
75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow
r100rs
bored at work
Spatech_tuo:
--- Quote ---and Finally.....
75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow
--- End quote ---
I did NOT try to lick my elbow. You 75% are pretty lame.
BTW, did you realize that "gullible" is not technically a word in the English language! For those who do not believe me, look it up in the dictionary!
--- Quote ---4. Men can read smaller print than women can;
women can hear better.
--- End quote ---
... and we listen better too.
Lori:
--- Quote ---6. It is impossible to lick your eyebrows.
75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow
r100rs
bored at work
--- End quote ---
I didn't try and lick my elbow. My eyebrows, well...
Dr. Spa™ Ret.:
#2 is also I believe incorrect. Ther Munsters beat I Love Lucy by 2 weeks.
Chas:
So, to put it all together, as I often try to do:
The wife and I were in bed last night, and I put my Coke down on the nightstand by my Golf clubs, and handed her a love note I had just written. The print was so small she asked me to read it to her, but I didn't hear her request.
So I just lay there thinking about all those people flying over the folks walking to work tomorrow, when it hit me: Mark Twain often wrote while laying down - so that means that "Tom Sawyer" was actually the first Novel written on a Navel.
Well, at that point I realized the ropes holding our mattress were getting a bit slack, so I got up and began tightening. I spit into each hand, gave each eyebrow a quick lick, and began to tug. But, having forgotten that Mrs. Chas was in bed at the time, my first pull sent her flying. She sailed out the window and landed within fifty miles of her birthplace, and had to find a phone booth and make a collect call - it was Father's day - to have me come and pick her up. All she had with her was Monopoly money and a King of hearts.
Well, Mrs. Chas is a very forgiving woman, but since this wasn’t the first time this had happened, I thought I had better wear my bulletproof vest when I went to get her. I wore out a pair of windshield wipers on the way, but I did see a guy throwing his laser printer off the fire escape just in time to swerve. He had just been calculating the cost of ownership of his latest Obsession, I guess.
The guy in the car behind me was not so lucky, and just as I glanced in the mirror and noticed his unusual license plate number - 111,111,111 - the printer went through his windshield and smashed a mug of mead right out of his hand. He was left with a surprised look on his face, holding nothing but the handle of the mug. Fortunately, it had a whistle built into it, so he could call for help.
Since Mrs. Chas was born in a wilderness area of our country, it took me a while to get to her. She was glad I finally got there; I suppose... all she said was, "If they build a statue of you in the park, the horse is going to have both front feet off the ground."
It was very quiet for the rest of the trip home. I guess the honeymoon is over.
;)
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
Go to full version